Potty Training Sucks

People Recommend M&M’s to potty train, I do not because of a related Freakanomics illustration on how easy the economic system is manipulated.

Dear Rockland.

Stop pooping everywhere. I admit it was my fault. I was working on something and didn’t notice that you wanted to pee in time. Normal people say “pee pee”, you use the word “poo poo” for when you want to do either/or the “poo poo” or “pee pee”. It confuses me. When you said “poo poo”, I thought you really meant “pee pee” so I didn’t really think much of your crouching stance when I was holding a cup for you to pee in. I should have known the angle I was holding your pee pee cup from was hiding the disgusting, shiny, wet, poo you just laid on our wooden floor.

Rockland, our house is small. I apologize for that, but that is neither here nor there, but the smell, oh God the smell fills up the house. It’s over 90 degrees at night in this summer weather and we had the AC going. Do we recirculate with the AC and just bare it all, or do we endure the heat and wait till it’s all clear?

As I was cleaning up your one poop you ran somewhere else to lay some more of your turd all over our floor. Why did you do that? I caught you and you got scared and stepped in the poop. It must have been perfect comedic timing because you screamed, then I screamed, and the Minions on tv screamed.

But it was no laughing matter.

Thank God most of it was on a towel to cover where you peed previously, but come on man. I take you to the toilet and you said “No More”. How can you know how to say “no more” but confuse “poo poo” and “pee pee”?

But you lied. I was cleaning that and I guess you had to pee again. I guess you wanted to help because you grabbed your pee pee cup but your little hands could not fully grasp the situation, nor the cup. You spilled it on me. I did not like that Rockland. Why did you do that? Is it because I work and leave during the day?

I love you Rockland. But please do not make me endure this again. I pray your sister will treat me better.

Let’s commemorate this memory.
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