People often tell Sungjin and I that we’re just like each other. But, more often than not, I find us to be SO very different. Some differences are more subtle and petty, but others are so aggravating that it provokes us to argue.
Although we’d rather not bicker altogether, Ruth Bell Graham says those disagreements are actually a good thing. She believes “that if two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary” (This Momentary Marriage 9). I try to remember her words whenever I feel the crazy Jane creeping up on me. I mean we are two imperfect people coming together; two opposites that attracted.Of course there’s going to be some shaking. And you know what? Some things need some shaking.
Like, my aggressive attitude toward Sungjin for example.You see, I tell him I only give people I really love that attitude. The members of my family are the only witnesses and victims of my nastiness. How that makes sense, I don’t know. And I’m slowly coming to realize how silly that excuse really is.)
He talked to me several times about my volume “problem,” especially after I would raise my voice to him in public. He even made me download the sound meter app on my phone to prove that I speak at high decibels (and yea, ok, so I speak at 80+ decibels! So What?!) One time, I lost my composure at a parking lot and yelled at him. This Asian lady selling bootleg DVDs walked by and said, “Oooo~like a movie~~.” That would’ve been the thing that make us break out laughing suddenly, but we were both fuming then. In retrospect though, it’s actually hilarious!
Sungjin also confronted me about the manner in which I speak to him. He says I need to, “Eeboohgae mahl hae (say it pretty)” because I could be a little condescending. After he mentioned that, I’d catch myself patronizing him halfway through a sentence and correcting my attitude the latter half.
I’m still working on getting the whole sentence right.
My mom says I need to be more mindful of my attitude or else these arguments will become a dangerous habit. So, one of the life lessons I’m working on comes from his request for me to “Eebohgae mahl hae” which is actually bibliclly supported in Proverbs 15:1: “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” :P
I’m learning that with any of our differences, I have to choose whether or not I oppose him because of my personal preferences or because it’s truly displeasing and unwholesome in the eyes of God. This will be a pivotal question to ask myself as I prepare for marriage and even more so during marriage because “it [will be] the weight of our sin [that] accelerates us into the seasons at the bottom” (This Momentary Marriage 11)
And I would so much rather float and ride the waves together than sink and drown.
So, I just wanted to say thank you, Sungjin Yun. We might be very different, and I might not always understand your stances and reasons for certain things. But, one thing you never fail to make clear as day is your love and desire to protect me. The warmth of your patience and gentleness towards me always melts the coldness left in my heart. I love you so much, and hope to love you the way God loves me… unconditionally!